it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
