im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
