I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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