Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
