I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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