it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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