I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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