the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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