We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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