I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
