dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
