Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
