Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
