Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she looked like the before picture.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you made out with another girl for some wings
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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