mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
