hell yes lets make some ravioli
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
