Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
