So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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