they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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