She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
