oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
