from now on my penis is your penis
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm passing your future prison.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
