You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
