In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
