You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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