I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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