I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
handjob tips. give me some.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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