Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
