you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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