we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
