Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
