I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
