I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
