I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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