textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize