I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
