..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have post one night stand depression
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