Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
