I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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