The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
well you can't waste a boner
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
