bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
