Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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