i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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