the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
