I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont even know how to be here
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
