I hate all girls vehemently.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
