drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
