I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
