do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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