Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
